Parents of elementary-aged children may think that the recent college admissions scandal is far removed from their current parenting reality. However, the predicament that the parents from these headlines find themselves in, had it’s beginnings in the elementary years.
Lawnmower parent, bulldozer parent, helicopter parent, snowplow parent. Today’s parenting environment makes it difficult not to occasionally identify with these labels. Finding the balance between ensuring that our kids have access to opportunities and walking the path in front of them clearing away the obstacles is not easy.
It is very painful to watch our children suffer disappointment, rejection, and loss. Without realizing it, we can begin to over-identify with their emotions. Their pain becomes our pain in the form of fear and anxiety. It hurts us so deeply that, before we know it, we are helping to prevent our kids from experiencing life’s difficult lessons in order to save ourselves from the agony.
When we deny our elementary-aged children from learning to navigate the difficult feelings that come with social emotional growth, we lose valuable time to guide their development, independence, and emotional regulation skills. And, according to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The Awakened Family, “anxiety is just one of the ways in which we can become quite irrational where our children are concerned.” This anxiety is the root cause of our least successful parenting moments.
“It is crucial for us to be aware when our love for our children is obscured by fear. “
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The Awakened Family
As parents from all walks of life examine this recent scandal, it is easy to condemn the affluent for their ability to buy themselves the opportunity to forego the unpleasant emotions of the college admissions process. We may even secretly wish we had those choices, too. But that’s not parenting. Parenting is waiting by the mailbox together for acceptance…or rejection letters.
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